Zac,

Good morrow.  We are “best friendz” indeed, though your spelling leaves a lot to be desired. Perhaps you can come over for a snifter of brandy some afternoon, and I can teach you spelling and we can come up with new clever word plays. “An apple a day, means an apple today.” That’s one I’m still workshopping.

The painting I have enclosed in this correspondence has me sporting my invention, “the bifocals.” It has twice as many focals as ever before. Now if only I could invent twice as many meals in the day — I’m a man with a titan’s appetite. Those “Totino’s Pizza Rolls” you sent were delicious, though I had to eat them frozen, since I have no idea what a microwave is.

‘Til Time Has Past Some More,

Benjamin

P.S. Please send more pizza rolls.